How To Ask To Get Ahead - Jack Canfield

Friday 29th May 2009

By Jack Canfield, America's Success Coach

The first stumbling block for most is knowing how to ask.

There are five secrets to great asking that can guarantee you results, however big or small. If you ever find yourself hitting brick walls and coming up short in responses, come back to these five tips:

The 5 Secrets to Successful Asking

1. Ask Clearly: No one likes getting a vague or fuzzy question. Be precise. Think clearly about your request. Take time to prepare. Use a note pad to pick words that have the greatest impact. Words are powerful, so choose them carefully.

For example, if you throw out the "How am I doing?" question without specifics, it may take time for the other person to understand what you're talking about. Instead, try, "How is my attitude with customers? Do you see room for improvement? Where?"

2. Ask with Confidence: People who ask confidently get more than those who are hesitant and uncertain. When you've figured out what you want to ask for, do it with certainty, boldness and confidence. Practice in the mirror if you have to, or write out your question in advance.

Be prepared to hear the unexpected or the unwanted. Try to have an open mind and heart (it's okay to feel intimidated by the experience, but don't show it). Don't get defensive if you hear something you don't like or that makes you uncomfortable. It's good to get a little uneasy once in a while upon the observations or insights of others. They will inspire you to stop, reflect, and take steps to make a shift for the better.

3. Ask Consistently: Top producers know that they can't quit if they ask once and don't get a good response. Keep asking until you find the answers, and try different ways of asking if one doesn't seem to be working.

In prospecting there are usually four or five "no's" before you get a "yes." You may, for example, want to ask a co-worker about your performance on an important team project, but you sense a reluctance from that person to offer an opinion.

You can always ask another person who is more receptive to the question, or consider how you are asking it and try again. Because people don't normally go around asking others for opinions on how well they are doing, it's not a question typically heard. So be prepared to ask over and over again before you hear a clear--useful--answer.

4. Ask Creatively: In this age of global competition, your asking may get lost in the crowd, unheard by the decision-makers you hope to reach. There is a way around this. If you want someone's attention, don't ask the ordinary way. Use your creativity to dream up a high-impact presentation.

Bear in mind that asking someone to stop and evaluate you can seem awkward or time-consuming. Show respect for them first and find the ideal time to ask the question. Here's one way to engage the insights of a superior: "I highly value your opinion and honest perspective, and would love to know what you think I could be doing differently on a daily basis that would make your life easier and make our clients happier."

5. Ask Sincerely: When you really need help, people will respond. Sincerity means dropping the image facade and showing a willingness to be vulnerable. Tell it the way it is, lumps and all. Don't worry if your presentation isn't perfect; ask from your heart. Keep it simple and people will open up to you.

Like speaking a different language, asking takes continual practice until it becomes a regular, reflexive habit. The sooner you build your "Ask Muscle", the sooner you'll see the results you've been waiting--and searching--for.

Don't think asking only relates to work-related goals and tasks. Bring this practice home to enrich your relationships with your family members and your friends.

I trust you'll be surprised and delighted at what you discover about yourself in this process.

Happy asking!

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